Vacation Lessons
As I unwind from a wonderful vacation, I am digesting and metabolizing everything from the last week. This was the first time we have taken a vacation as a family of four to a destination that doesn’t include visiting family, so it was kind of a big deal! Without the conveniences of a home to travel with our young kids, there’s additional planning and consideration that comes with such a vacation. While amazing memories were made, there is so much more that isn’t captured in the highlight reel. Here are a few of my semi-digested thoughts:
When I think of vacation, I think of unwinding, relaxing, following my own schedule and taking ownership over my day. Vacationing with children is quite different, particularly with young ones who still require a great deal of supervision. Adjusting my expectations ahead of time, and throughout the trip was necessary to avoid feeling a sense of constant disappointment. As grateful as I am to have taken a trip to a warm climate and enjoyed different experiences with my kids, I also found myself frustrated that I couldn’t completely unwind in the way I wanted to or that my body and mind needed to. As I’ve learned with matrescence, ambivalence is a part of the experience. It’s possible to feel grateful AND be sad it isn’t exactly the way we imagined it. (Spoiler alert: Tantrums and meltdowns don’t disappear on vacation!). When I found my frustration rising, I did my best to advocate for myself, taking some down time or time on my own when possible. I also built in some routines to help keep me grounded. Daily meditation and movement are essential for me, as well as a good sleep. These were non-negotiables that helped to set me up to manage the highs and lows, and the conflicting emotions.
I found myself regularly comparing myself and my family to others. Why do they seem to be going with the flow better than I am? Why can’t we… this or that? Whatever it was that I was comparing, I had to remind myself that I am not them. We are not them. What works for us won’t necessarily work for them and vice versa. So I can compare myself to them, or I can unapologetically claim who I am. I am reminded of my early motherhood years when I was constantly searching for answers in other moms, books or podcasts, hoping that I could get my child to feed/sleep/interact/move like them. What I didn’t realize then was the answer was not out there. The answer was in tuning in to me and my child. What do I need? My child? My husband? And then trusting what comes from that place. This surfaced a few times throughout this vacation. Carving out time and space to turn inward and check in with myself, my partner and my kids was essential. Sometimes this comes with feelings of shame and guilt. Those feelings need space as a natural part of the experience.
I also recognize and value the importance of traveling with people who get all of the above. Traveling with others who don’t judge what you feel you need to do is an added bonus, icing on the cake.
