Measures of success
Can mothers have it ‘all’? Is it even humanly possible in 2024?
The short answer (in my humble opinion): No. Certainly not all at the same time.
The longer answer: Yes - in time.
First of all - what is ‘all’? I believe it is widely accepted to be the trifecta: job, family and relationship. But how was this even decided? The first place we need to look is our markers for success and where they come from. I, like many, was raised to believe that success is a university degree, high-paying, stable job, a marriage, children and a home. Other key success markers included a nice car, regular vacations and perhaps even a second home. Then you know you’ve really made it! Sure, these things imply financial success, but let’s take a step back and look at the bigger picture. These are all things you either DO or HAVE. Nothing on that list accounts for how you ARE/BE. And don’t we all just want to BE happy?
What if we start there - what makes me BE happy?
Quality time with those that I love (not included: chauffeuring, shuttling, cooking for and cleaning up after with said loved ones in the vicinity). I’m talking about intentional, purposeful, distraction-free time. Counter-evidence: Nothing gets under my skin as a mom like when I’m trying to finish that one email/text/task and my child needs something. Like desperately, can’t-wait-one-more-second needs something! You all know those moments!
Fulfillment in my work and relationships: I need a purpose in my work. Like many, I need to know I’m making a positive difference in those I serve through my work, and those I work with. I feel happy when I know I’m able to give to my relationships, and my relationships, in turn, give back when I need them to. Reciprocity.
Enter matrescence: matrescence honours the cyclical, seasonal nature of things; it reminds us that every season is temporary. So if this is the case, then it is possible to have it ‘all’, just not all at once AND THAT’S OK! I think the second mistake we make is thinking that we need to DO or HAVE it all at the same time. A few months ago, I had a semi-baked plan for the trajectory of my business; I thought I knew what came next in linear fashion. Things have unfolded differently than I imagined. They’re certainly not bad, but having less time for coaching in recent months has left me feeling like I’m giving up, abandoning my vision, letting go of my passion for coaching and motherhood support. When I couldn’t maintain the amount of coaching I was doing a few months ago, I was really hard on myself. However, as the onion layers peel away, I’m realizing on yet a deeper level how the cyclical and seasonal model of my business looks, which is also informing my measures of success. Further, after taking a step back and looking at this through the matrescence lens, I also see how I was measuring my success on old standards of what I HAVE or DO, versus who I AM BEING. These measures are firmly rooted within so they are hard to untangle from. I also see now how the growth of my business is also not linear. It, too, goes through cycles and seasons.
Surrendering to this knowing and trusting I am exactly where I need to be is potent for me right now - in my career, my business, and motherhood.
