Our family is growing!
Next week, my family is welcoming a new member - a sweet red lab puppy! I am finding myself reflecting on how I’m showing up as we prepare for her arrival. Obviously she isn’t a human baby, but there are so many similarities, and given my passion for matrescence, I am finding the parallels at every step so I thought I’d share them here.
The expectant mother is full of so many big feelings - anticipation, anxiousness, excitement. I’m noticing that in my preparations for this pup, I have some worries, but honestly, it’s mostly just excitement. Pure, often unfiltered excitement. And I’m letting it all soak in. Having done the puppy stage before, I know to expect some unexpected, hairy moments so the worry isn’t taking up as much real estate in my mind. Also, while she isn’t a human baby that I’m carrying in my belly, I’m using this experience to rewrite my previous experiences of pregnancy. You see, both of my pregnancies were relatively smooth, however I feel like I never got to fully enjoy the experience. When I got pregnant for the first time with my daughter, rightly or wrongly so, I worried so much that my contract at work wouldn’t get renewed so I tried to hide my pregnancy. I waited until 5 months (and that contract!) before I told anyone. The shame and fear I felt for those first five months robbed me of the joy, as well as honouring the experience in real time. When I got pregnant with my son 4 years later, I immediately spiraled into a state of major anxiety. A few months earlier, I had gone off my antidepressant medication in order to be medication-free for conception and pregnancy, but the moment I got pregnant, my hormones skyrocketed, and my body went into a trauma response: I broke out in an invisible rash all over my body! My skin itched incessantly, but there wasn’t a spot to be found. I felt like I was losing my mind because no one believed me, and we couldn’t make sense of this strange occurrence. These first few weeks of this pregnancy set me on a path where fear and anxiety occupied more space than any joy or positive feeling over the next nine months. So now, as I prepare for a new family member, I find myself using it as an opportunity to embrace the joy and excitement. I am completely leaning into these feelings without holding myself back by worry and trepidation.
Motherhood is hard, but, as Dr. Sophie Brock recently posted, not entirely because of our kids. It’s because of the lack of support in a world of increasing demands and expectations. It’s because of a world that expects mothers to do it all - have the job, care for the children, manage the house and look and feel good. It’s because there are few systems that mimic, support and encourage the natural, seasonal cycles of parenting. It’s because maternal instincts are being drowned out by the flood of conflicting messaging everywhere. It’s because of a health support system that treats symptoms, not people.
So this time, I am seeing those worries, and choosing joy. I am going to snuggle this pup as much as I want (or as much as my kids let me!) and worry less about overindulging her. I am going to let her sleep on me. I am going to do all the things I wish I had done before. Mostly, I am surrendering to the joy in my heart as I prepare for a new addition to the family. Because it will be hard, AND it will be beautiful. If motherhood has taught me anything, it can be both, often at the same time.
