Asking for help
Why is asking for help so darn hard?
Personally, when someone asks me to help, I get excited. (Is that just me?) It feels special, an honour that someone feels confident in my ability to offer them something they can’t provide for themselves in that moment. (Perhaps this is why I work in helping professions??!)
My take - It’s hard because it takes vulnerability. You have to let down your guard a little bit, show some of the cards in your hand. It’s an admission that you can’t do it all in that moment. In crisis mode, this is much easier to accept, but in the day to day, this is much more demanding.
Vulnerability is uncomfortable. By asking for help, we have to feel confident in ourselves because we are risking judgement from others (although if you ask me for help, you now know that it feels like an honour, not a chore). Will they think I’m weak? What will they think of my messy home? What will they think of my ability to organize my life/house/children/responsibilities? We are putting ourselves out there and admitting that, shocker, we can’t always do it all. In motherhood, this fact is not widely accepted. The impossible standards of motherhood tell us, show us and expect us to manage it all. Anyone seen America Ferrerra’s epic monologue in the Barbie movie? In this scene, she describes the unrealistic, unattainable standards faced by women around the world. We can’t be too ambitious, or too complacent. We are criticized for saying too much or too little. The same goes for motherhood. We are expected to balance our personal lives, kids’ lives, careers and look good while doing it. It’s no wonder we feel we can’t ask for help! Vulnerability requires a great deal of courage, and when we’re constantly put under the microscope, not asking for help is one less opportunity to face criticism.
However, in order for the standards to change, we need to start letting down that guard. One conversation, one blog post and one request for help at a time. Each time we put ourselves out there, we are normalizing that it’s ok to ask for help.
What if we saw asking for help as a sign of strength and courage, rather than weakness?
