It’s OK not to have it all figured out
The title of mother doesn’t bring legitimacy to the job.
Why not?
Anyone who has done the job knows that it isn’t for the faint of heart. I would argue that in no other profession, role or position do you need to dig as deep or persevere as long as you do in motherhood.
And yet, mothers are constantly playing small and self-sacrificing. We assume this is just the way it is.
But what if I told you that there’s another way of being? What if I told you that you can care infinitely for your children AND keep your sanity? You can love your children to the depths of your soul AND not feel that constant overwhelm. You’d probably think I’m nuts! Mothers don’t need to do the changing; the paradigm of support needs to shift. It needs to be normalized that this sh*t is hard, that we are trying to balance careers, be super moms, maintain our mental and physical health, as well as all our relationships, and it’s OK not to have it all figured out. We need to be having conversations around real motherhood instead of the highlight reel.
The paradigm of support can be found through the word matrescence. This word encompasses the complex and nuanced ways that a person changes when they become a mother, including the physical, psychological, emotional, social and spiritual aspects of themselves. In this framework, the ways that a mother is impacted by the different stages of their child’s life, as well as the pressures from the outside (ie. work, society) also play a role in what the mother is doing and how they are being.
This is how the paradigm of support shifts. Mothers can finally acknowledge and begin to accept that it’s ok to not have it all figured out. They can stop pretending they do because they know they’re not alone. The wide spectrum of their experience, from pure joy to utter grief and despair are all valid within the framework of matrescence.
I will continue to educate and spread the word that the motherhood experience is universal and unique - we will all go through changes in many different areas, but the extent to which we do will vary by the individual. My dream is that in my lifetime, the word ‘matrescence’ becomes more mainstream in order to help mothers feel less alone. Oh, and I hope that spell check will recognize it!
