Letter to my New Mom Self

Dear New Mom Ashley,

I see you.

I see how hard you are working to learn all the things about your newborn - diaper changes, feeding, sleep. I admire your dedication, patience and tenacity. In case anyone isn’t offering this, you are doing a really great job.

I see the strength you exhibited during Lauren’s birth, and how your body took over and knew exactly what to do. This experience will be one that serves as an example of how to trust yourself. Tap into that knowing.

I see how hard you are working to ‘bounce back’ to life before Lauren. This is not your fault, but rather a result of pressure from society for life to resume as it was. When you finally surrender to how this little being can change you, you will be cracked open in ways so beautiful and unimaginable. 

I see how scared you are. This is all new territory and so much is changing at once - physically, emotionally, spiritually, existentially and socially. What you used to cling to or rely on may no longer be available to you. Be kind to yourself as you find your way through. The journey through motherhood is ongoing and cyclical. 

I see how much you are struggling to accept your identity as a mom. I also see you creating connections with people, expanding your network. These connections will help you accept this new dimension of your identity as you see parts of this emerging self reflected in them. 

I see your perspective shifting. I see how you are starting to see life ahead differently, as well as life up to this point. This perspective can be insightful, and also upsetting. The range of emotions - from pure joy to deep sadness and grief, is normal, my love. It’s a part of your matrescence journey. You are not alone in these thoughts and feelings. Find ways to express these emotions healthily and with those who you trust.

Read the book “The Fourth Trimester” by Kimberly Ann Johnson. Oh wait, it’s not published yet because it’s only 2013. Well, you can read this book as soon as it’s published because even years later it will offer you so many kernels of wisdom, and it will validate your experience. This can be incredibly empowering.

You are embarking on a wild and wonderful journey. It will lead you places in yourself that you haven’t discovered yet. I am genuinely so excited for what is to unfold for you. You are more capable and resilient than you realize. I still don’t have all the answers, but I do have a deep trust in you.

You got this, mama.

With Love & Gratitude,

Ashley