Shifting Gears
In the dentist chair last week, I found myself bracing for impact. My body was familiar with the experience and how it has caused me pain in the past, so it was doing what it needed to protect me. I kept trying to override those reflexes with my mind - self talk, slow, deep breaths, in an attempt to re-train myself that I am slightly uncomfortable, but safe. It was difficult and exhausting. But what I learned was that I have found motherhood activates similar pathways and responses in us (ex. experiences of our own mothering) that cause our bodies to respond in ways that help us brace for the impact. And we want to protect ourselves so badly. Motherhood is the process of noticing these deeply ingrained pathways and deciding if they still serve us. (And if the 60min of attempting to override these pathways in the dentist chair is any indication, it’s exhausting and incredibly challenging! To add insult to injury, in motherhood, it’s not always possible to sit in a chair with your eyes closed, unable to speak while you work through those sensations!! To say that it’s hard work is no joke!) I wonder though, if when I return to the dentist next time, will it be that much easier to maintain control over those activating sensations now that I have this awareness?
A client recently shared with me that they felt they were operating the ‘wrong gear’. As we dove into this, it became clear that what was holding them back was this idea of making decisions, both big and small, from the wrong gear - the one that makes everyone else happy. But what they needed to do was connect to the ‘me gear’. I think those early pathways can significantly impact the gear in which we operate, which is constantly changing. Mothering requires us to make many (MANY!) decisions in the gear that best serves our children. Sometimes this can feel ‘grindy’ or clunky, or just becomes the default gear which doesn’t always serve us as individuals. Because of this client’s realization, when feeling the grinding or clunkiness of a decision, I find myself bringing it back to the ‘me gear’ by drawing awareness to what I am noticing and consciously deciding if it serves me. Just like in the dentist chair. Motherhood is the never-ending untangling of our former selves as we evolve and grow into the new, expanded versions of ourselves. With self compassion and grace, we can learn to shift through the gears with greater ease, and when it feels clunky and grindy, know that the act of bringing it back to the ‘me gear’ can provide a lot of clarity.
