I Got a Tattoo!

A year ago, something inside me told me to get a tattoo to honour my beloved Summit. Never have I ever felt the desire or motivation for a tattoo, but something changed. I let that voice speak to me, but I didn’t respond right away. I waited to see if it would continue to speak to me. And it did. So I made the decision to go ahead with it. I only spoke to those whom I was confident would support me. As the day approached, however, I grew really nervous. I was afraid of becoming a person with a tattoo. What would people say? Would others like it? Would people think I was silly for stamping myself with a dog paw? And the anxiety was so real that even as I was getting the tattoo, the thoughts in my head nearly caused me to faint! The room started to close in on me. I saw stars in my eyes. There was no turning back, which was terrifying. Fast forward a few days, and I’m in my Seasons of Matrescence class discussing creativity in business ownership. It dawned on me that this tattoo is offering a parallel story in my evolution as a business owner. As I look to find ways to express myself and my brand, I realized that I struggle to express myself publicly. Period. You name it -group chats, social media, public speaking. They all terrify me. Yet this tattoo is an example of self expression public to anyone who sees me. Terrifying. I leaned into this with deep curiosity. What am I so afraid of? I grew up keeping my thoughts and feelings to myself as self protection. It made me feel safe. But now I’m noticing that this old safety mechanism no longer serves me. In fact, it’s holding me back from fully expressing myself as my own brand. I need to acknowledge how this kept me feeling safe for a long time, but now it is time to shed this habit, turn it in and build a new one. Starting with my tattoo. Sitting in the discomfort of people perhaps not liking it, judging me for my decision. I will need to hold myself through this as I learn to trust my voice and what it has to say.

A lot of motherhood is about sitting in the discomfort. Just yesterday I had a conversation with a friend whose child is starting daycare for the first time as she prepares to return to work after parental leave. Anyone who has been through this knows the struggle is REAL. So much uncertainty and doubt creeps in. Did I choose the right daycare provider? Will my child be ok? Will they comfort my child when he’s upset? Will my child make friends? Should I even be going back to work? The discomfort of these big questions is INTENSE!! We feel the weight and impact of our decisions in a deep way. Motherhood has taught me to get comfortable with being uncomfortable. I have lived through that daycare transition twice now. Both of my kids survived. And I survived. It felt really icky and uncertain, and there was so much I couldn’t control about the situation. But what I could fall back on was self trust. I trusted my instincts and made the best decision with the information I was given at the time. And if it doesn’t work out, I know I will know what to do and when. It can be so difficult to tune out the noise around us, especially when those thoughts of self doubt are so loud. But the more I connect with myself, the more I am able to be ok being uncomfortable.