A Mother’s Love
As a child, I was very fortunate to have both a set of school friends and camp friends. I remember saying how there was my ‘school self’ and my ‘camp self’. Each set of friends brought out different sides of me. One side was somewhat shy, studious, a little guarded and also fun-loving, loyal and genuine. The other side was totally goofy, chatty, funny and affectionate. All parts were me, and yet each set of friends knew me differently.
Today marks my youngest’s sixth birthday, and I can’t help but reflect on the gifts he has offered me. Much like my friends brought out different sides of me in childhood (and still do today, for that matter), my children do, too. Noah is the one who helped me soften into motherhood. He brings out my gentle, compassionate, affectionate side. I am so grateful for what both children have taught me about myself, and today I am feeling especially appreciative of the ying thatNoah has brought to my yang. I know that not everyone gets or wants the experience of having more than one child, so that is also not lost on me.
Like many other mothers with multiple children, I am often having to defend decisions or explain why I’m doing things differently to an often jealous child. For a long time, I worried that I was doing something wrong. Guilt and self doubt would overcome me as I responded. Was I showing favoritism? Do I love one more than the other? After six years, I’ve come to peace with where I stand. That guilt and self doubt don’t serve me. I now know and tell them that I love both children the same amount, but in some ways I love them differently. Just as different individuals in my life bring out different sides of my personality, so do my children. And that’s ok because it doesn’t mean I love either one any less. In fact, I see myself loving them more as a result.
I often hear mothers who are questioning whether to have another child, or awaiting the arrival of their second or subsequent child ask me: “How will I love another as much as my first?” We are not born with a finite capacity for love any more than we are born with all our ideas and answers. Our hearts grow as our families grow and as our children grow.
What sides of you do your children bring out in you? How do you love your children differently?
